Somewhere between hope and heartbreak

Today I had to make one of the most difficult decisions of my life.

The Flotilla Sur is ready. Many of ny friends are ready. The sea is waiting. And yet, I will not be sailing with them boat tomorrow.

For months, I imagined this moment differently – sailing towards Gaza, knowing full well that Israeli interception is almost certain, that cruelty awaits us on the horizon. I was prepared for that. I accepted that possibility. But life does not ask for our plans; it asks for our presence in unexpected places.

Back home, I need to be with my family, and my community They need me. Not my memory, not my absence – me.

And after hours of turning this around in my heart, I realised: being with them now is not a betrayal of the mission. It is part of the mission. Because Sumud is not only about resistance on the front line; it is about holding the ground we come from. It is about not breaking apart.

So I made the choice. I will not sail tomorrow. I will let my friends go forward without me. And I will stay.

But staying does not mean stopping.

I am saving my energy – not out of fear, but out of strategy. Because I am coming back. And next time, it will be different. Next time, I will not just sail towards Gaza. I will disembark. I will land with a medical mission, with real humanitarian aid, with the skills and heart that have guided my professional life for so many years across the world. I will be on the ground with the people who need it most. That is not a dream. That is a promise.